Missing Kylee

I have been missing Kylee a lot recently -:( A family in my neighborhood recently lost their second baby (my heart goes out to them), but for some reason that made me almost relive my whole loss again. I have so many regrets about the day kylee was born, I regret not holding her longer, I regret not touching her (I held her in a blanket only, I never actually touched her skin), I regret not going Cesarean (had I done so she wouldn't have been so torn up), I regret not taking my own pictures (the hospital told me that they would take pictures, but the hospital pictures are more like mug shots), and I even regret not showing her to my family. I was just so tired, emotional, drugged, and hungry when she was born that I wasn't thinking clearly at all. 

Although I regret a lot of things about the day Kylee was born, I do not regret having her. If I had it to do over again, I would still have wanted her, even knowing that she did not live. I feel like she still enriched my life, if even for a short while. She and I had a very personal connection, after all I was the only one who knew her while she was alive. Although I really messed up everything on the day Kylee was born, I hope that wherever she is she knows how much I still love her! <3

Here's a picture of Kylee's feet, a part of her that wasn't torn up through the birth. I also added hand and foot photos to her memorial site.